Friday, May 27, 2016

Why this selfie is everything

           

Wednesday // Thursday 

This past weekend, I had, I guess, what you could call a breakdown of sorts.  On Saturday, I found myself succumbing to built up pressure and pain and it spiraled into 3 days of not getting ready, no appetite, a lot of crying, and the general overall feeling of being sick.

In an effort to continue to candidly document my journey with anxiety and depression, I plan to write a post on all this soon, but for now I'm celebrating my win for the week.

On Wednesday morning, I woke up in pain, both physical and mental.  The physical symptoms of depression always amaze me.  My body ached and it was an effort to move.  With my initial first few minutes out of bed already against me, I didn't want to attempt the already full and growing to-do list that awaited for me when I got downstairs.

But with any sort of mental battle, sometimes the mindset of taking it day-by-day turns into taking it hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute.  I ended up eating a bit and fell into the couch.  Just like in recent days, Tim stepped in and got the kids ready.  And, while on the couch, I thought what if I just go upstairs and wash my face.  Upon completing that, I thought what If i just put on some concealer? That turned into putting on lipstick and then going out for coffee and then doing the dishes and then making the healthy lunch I'd been putting off making for 4 days.  By the end of the day, I thought what if I workout?  Realizing the time, I thought, no.  I'll wait until tomorrow morning.  And then I thought, well, what if it's just a short workout?  Kids in bed, I got my workout clothes and ended up doing a long, hard workout.

Post workout shower, post workout snack, I sat with Tim and told him I couldn't believe the place I had been in 72 short hours ago and where I ended up.  And it all started with a what if, a just if I can do this. 

I'm a big believer in recognizing the baby steps.  And this is why.  Success, of any kind, starts with a push to get up the stairs, wash your face, and just keep moving.

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