When I first wrote about getting help for my anxiety, I thought I was close to solving the problem. Sure, in the back of my head I knew these things take time, patience, and effort, but somehow I thought otherwise when I was given a prescription and a therapist recommendation. I was told it would help. I wasn't told about and didn't think about, however, the possibility of it not working.
So when a few months later I experienced some unpleasant side effects and the same anxiety I had been experiencing before, I was thrown. I thought getting help + treatment = healing. And while that's true, the process isn't as formulaic as a math equation. The first doctor might not be the right one, a medicine might not work. The healing process is just that a process. We may experience setbacks and curve balls but that doesn't mean we stop trying.
So enter phase two. Changing current course of action and trying a new approach. More phone calls, more questions, new offices, new people.
Once again, I'm hesitant to write about this process. Because (who really likes to broadcast their current mental state), but mainly because I don't want to appear whiny. Sound ridiculous? Maybe. But think about it. In our day-to-day lives we don't like a downer. Hearing others' problems sometimes brings us down. We like brightness, happiness, and those who are the life of the party.
But I continue to write about this journey because I want to realistically portray the process. And that process is a long one, a hard one, and (so far) one that has had setbacks.
But as humans we soldier on. Because we have to. We have families. We have jobs. We have things we've got to do. Thankfully I've learned when to put on a brave face for my little girl and when to text my best friend and let her know of the recent rough days.
The other thing about us humans is we tend to be hopeful. And I am. Hopeful that this next course of action will be a step in the right direction, that perseverance will pay off, and that going through this journey will ultimately have a bigger purpose.
If you're currently going through a tough time, my wish for you is that you have hope, too.