A reminder

Ready to go!
Recently, I've picked up my fighting anxiety game.  I've driven more in the past six weeks than I have in the entire year.  And as I continue to get out, sometimes taking Ella, sometimes not, it gets a little easier.  But every now and then, it's not so easy and the anxiety starts to (quite literally) take over.

Yesterday was the deadline for getting the gifts under the giving tree at our local parish.  And I'm (admittedly) the type of person who has good intentions at the beginning of the season but then "life happens" (whatever that means) and I forget to grab a ticket or I miss the deadline or I forget to grab something from the store.  Thinking about our growing family and knowing what example I'd like to set as a parent, I was determined this year to get my butt in gear and have our gifts wrapped and under the tree.  Well, life's been a bit hectic around here.  Sometimes we sleep, sometimes we don't. We're juggling the new life of having two little kiddos.  So I let the shopping get by me until the day before the deadline. But I managed to get out and check everything off the list.  (Did realizing that I didn't have my wallet while at the checkout stop me?  No, it did not.)

I wrapped the gifts and thought it would be sweet to take Ella with me the next day to drop them off. Well when going out with kids, everything becomes an ordeal.  Let's get your shoes on, oh wait, we need to change your diaper, let's get your coat on, actually let's put your coat with the hood on -- it's pouring outside, alright take my hand, wait here, I need to get the gifts, oh I forgot the keys, do I have my wallet this time?  Etc., etc., etc.  And yesterday my anxiety increased with every realization and question and double check.  Fighting it, we got in the car and made it there only to discover the parking lot was full - not one spot left open.  Did I mention it was pouring?

Now I should note for someone without anxiety, these curve balls may not even seem like curve balls.  These things would probably go unnoticed.  But for me, put enough of these in my way and I'm working through a panic attack.

I prayed the church was open and Ella and I and our gifts made a run for it.  The church was open but the room was locked and in an effort to see if there was another place I could leave the gifts, I noticed the monstrance was on the altar.  Adoration was going on.


I spotted an area where some gifts were placed, we dropped ours off, and then stayed for a bit.  I thanked God for reminding me I'm never alone, Ella said hi to Jesus, and I walked out feeling encouraged to keep on fighting.


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