Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Getting uncomfortable in relationships


Before I had met Tim, it is safe to say I was looking to be as comfortable as possible when it came to relationships.  I wasn't really interested in someone who challenged and questioned me.  I was interested in someone with similar interests and someone who could make me laugh.  So when I met and started dating Tim, I was surprised I wasn't completely turned off when he challenged me.  I think his drive and passion were so attractive, I couldn't help but think when he said something like "what can you do about it?"

Aside from my slightly inappropriate taste in scripted reality television, my guilty pleasure sort of love for Grey's Anatomy, and my deep belief that people shouldn't take themselves too seriously, I'm a completely different person than I was before I got married.  And that's a good thing.

It's not like Tim "saved" me or that I've completely morphed into a she-Tim backing all his opinions (we debate politics all the time) and only watch anything that takes places in the world of fantasy (he's currently super into Gossip Girl), it's that through him asking me questions that I might not want to answer and purposing change that I might not want to enforce, I've found that voice that debates politics with him.  I've learned drive, determination, and selflessness.  I discovered my all time favorite book that I never would have discovered (due to a prior hate for fantasy).  I've learned I can learn anything if I simply pull up 'Google' and that I have an upper hand in the work place if I have that mindset.  I've learned patience and goodness, Tim always the silent one in a conversation that pops up that might aim to paint someone else in a negative light.

Tim's changed, too.  And that's a good thing.  This isn't me ousting my husband, either.  He'd gladly tell you what's different about him.  He more easily laughs at himself, he's learned to better see someone else's point of view, and he loves a good and ridiculous comedy.

They say you should never get in a relationship to change someone.  And, I'd say that's only half true. Of course, getting in a relationship to take on a "project", to "save" a lost soul, is never a good idea. But getting in a relationship to stay comfortable?  That's never a good idea, either.  If you were to tell me this when I was 18, I would have said, 'yeah, right.'  But after three years married and almost 6 years together of Tim and I consistently making each other uncomfortable, I'd say "best decision ever."  Growing next to each other and helping each other to grow is one of the most rewarding parts of marriage.  It's meant moving forward, developing character, and reaching goals.  It hasn't all been easy, some of it quite hard.  Growth pretty much guarantees pain of some sort, but without it our lives wouldn't be nearly as rewarding and fulfilling.  The one thing I ran from in previous relationships is one of the top things I cherish most in my husband, and that's he's never afraid to (lovingly) challenge me.  And now, I, him.

And I'm  we're better for it.

To 100 more years of asking "what's next?"  Cheers!

No comments:

Post a Comment